When I transferred to Garden State Rollergirls, I never imagined that a year and a half after I did, I would be leaving again.
When I joined the team I was in a bad place, derby wise. I simply wasn’t happy – I thought I was a crap skater and a waste of time, and I was ready to quit. Several of my friends convinced me to give everything one more try and join GSR.
To those of you who supported me, I’ve said it many times but I’ll say it again, “Thank you.”
When I joined the Garden State Rollergirls, my entire outlook and experience with roller derby expanded – it was like I’d finally found a home in my sport. I hadn’t truly felt like I had a “team” and a “home” since I was about 17 and tore my ACL playing soccer with my rec team. Yes, I’d been on a lot of teams for a lot of sports… but I just never felt quite like I fit. GSR changed that for me.
To me, the Garden State Rollergirls embody the spirit of what we all talk about when we talk about the derby community. The level of support within my league (and I say my with ownership and distinction) is astronomical, and whether you’re the most skilled skater or the freshest meat, everyone looks out for everyone else both on and off the track.
That’s why telling my teammates that I was leaving, potentially forever, broke my heart.
I literally practiced what I was going to say to my coaches and captains over and over and over again, in an attempt to get through without crying each time. Now that it’s done, I can say that I think I did… pretty well. There were some watery eyes but I don’t think I shed any tears (in public). I practiced a “speech” to my league too… and to those of you reading this, I’m so sorry I couldn’t muster the courage to do it. Instead I wrote the league a private letter to my leaguemates, and by write, I mean I typed a few words, cried, typed some more, cried again, and repeated that for about an hour before finally hitting “send” without re-reading a word again for fear of bursting back into tears.
Without meaning to, I let down my guard with these women – I let them become a part of my life and I became a part of theirs as well. They helped me re-discover my love of roller derby simply by sharing their own, and they taught me more about myself, the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I want to strive to become, in 15 short months than I’d learned in quite a long time.
So I won’t say that roller derby saved my soul, but it definitely changed me (cue up: “For Good” from the Wicked Soundtrack, if you please). My teammates, my coaches, my opponents… you all challenge me AND support me each and every day, and whether I return to NJ and continue to bleed Black and Green, or I relocate and extend my derby family even more… I will always, ALWAYS have a little Garden State in my heart.
(tl;dr: Leaving SUCKS and I love the NJ Roller Derby Community with feels beyond measure.)
(Also thanks Keith for always taking amazing photos for us!!)
